Recently, I had a sweet gal reach out to me with her question and I replied back with my answer. Take a moment to read below, share with sisters who may be feeling similar frustrations or concerns. If we all share openly and help one another without judgement, imagine what community we could build, God willing.
Hopefully you and your baby are doing well and your family is excited about Eid. I'm not quite sure why I am reaching out to you. I've always admired you on Instagram- I followed you awhile ago and mentioned to my friend how beautiful you were because she was following you too. To be honest, I'm not sure what I think is going to come out of this email but I am really at a loss of what to do so... I guess I just want to know how you even found love. I'm pretty old (28) and I've never been in love or even a serious relationship. People have come up with all types of excuses for me - but the truth is I just don't know why it hasn’t happened for me yet. I have definitely been religious, relied on God and prayed so much over the years but it just hasn't happened. I put my faith in God and accepted guys who weren't very good because they were outwardly religious - if that makes sense- the types who make sure to pray taraweeh but don't care how they treat people - and even then it didn't work out. I don't really know why I'm writing this to you, just feel like perhaps I'm going to be alone forever and most or all of my friends are married, engaged, in a serious relationship or at least have been and I don't want to be a Debbie downer with them when I feel like I've already talked to them about it. How did you fall in love? Maybe it's just not possible for everyone because it's just so special and rare? Was there a certain dua you made? I've looked up many different ones over the years.
Salaam to you!!
Thank you for your email, here is what I could share with you that hopefully will help shed some light on to your path in life.
First of all, you are NOT old! I understand there is pressure to find a good match, settle down and start your life together (isA) which will happen in due time. But, until then, remember your age but don't dwell on it.
Pick your top 3 or 5 MOST important qualities or traits that a man in your future life will need to possess. For example, for me, it was that he was inwardly religious and spiritual. What I mean by that is to not just pray, but to also think of the higher purpose of life. Question things he reads and researches the answers, which ultimately helps with a better understanding of our beautiful religion.
Secondly, I definitely did not want someone who would even socially or occasionally drink alcohol. Unfortunately, there are many Muslim men who do all their religious duties but on the weekend will have a drink or two. That was going to work for me.
The third most important quality I wanted my husband to possess was that he was ambitious/hardworking. I didn't care what he drove, or what career path he would want to embark on. I just wanted to know that he was driven, had a vision, goals, wasn't afraid to roll up his sleeves and put in some sweat for what he wanted in life.
Those were the three areas I focused in on, and heavily prayed for. I also had researched the Isthikhara prayers and would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night, when silence was all around me and make the prayer/dua. I would allow myself to truly dig deep, let my guard down, cry on the prayer rug to Him. Asking Him for guidance and help, that is what I truly believe help lead me to my husband.
Hope all of the above helps you realize that your concern is one that many (MANY!) girls, from different backgrounds, feel at one point or another in their life. Your intentions are so very good. Don't waste your time with anyone who isn't worth your time and continue to have faith in Him. isA it will all work out just fine...don’t ever lose hope, it all happens when you least expect it.